How To Talk To A Girl: A Salesman Approach

••• 8 MINUTE READ •••

You might be thinking “what the hell does a salesman know about how to talk to a girl”?

Here’s what the salesman has to say about that? “hold my beer son, watch and learn.”

Here’s why

A salesman’s job consists of the following:

  • A) meeting a total stranger (the prospect)
  • B) convincing this complete stranger to give him their precious time and attention
  • C) creating a need or a want in that stranger
  • D) making the stranger give up their object of value (money) for the solution to their need (what the salesman is selling).

Doesn’t that process sound familiar? That’s right it’s the same process as when talking to a girl.

  • A) Meet a total stranger (the girl).
  • B) Convince her to give you some of her time so you can talk to her.
  • C) Start creating a need or a want (attraction) for YOU.
  • D) Make her give up her thing of value (herself) for your solution to her need (YOU!)

You see, as a salesman, you would already know all about how to talk to a girl and how to attract her, because at the end of the day it is a sales transaction (Your value for her value). Only this time there isn’t an actual product being sold; you are selling yourself.

Salespeople have had the formula for picking up girls this entire time, and today in this article I am going to give it to you step by step!

Not only will you gain massive success from using this salesman formula, but you will also stop fearing rejection altogether, because like the salesman, you’ll realize that at the end of the day it’s all a numbers game!

How To Talk To A Girl Step 1: The Hook

how to talk to a girl

People are usually busy; so, therefore, they don’t want to waste time on things that aren’t going to be of any value to their lives. And that is the first challenge a salesman runs into when meeting a prospect.

He must figure out a way to get this stranger to take the time to listen attentively to what he has to say, and the salesman does this with a hook.

How To Talk To A Girl

When talking to a girl, it’s the same thing. You must get that girl so take time out of her busy day to stop and listen to you. And just like the salesman, this can also be done with a hook.

There are two ways of hooking a person; either by creating curiosity or giving value.

Creating Curiosity

When a salesman wants to create curiosity; he does so by mentioning an offer to the prospect, one in which he might be interested. This makes the prospect want to know more since this offer might bring possible value to his or her life.

As a guy trying to talk to a girl, the same concept is at play, except that you must make her curious about you! And you can do this in several ways:

  • Using a unique opening line, one that she has never heard before
  • Doing something very different when you walk up to her (like trying to communicate without speaking)
  • Approaching her with a load of confidence that she has never experienced before
  • Having a unique style that makes her wonder what you’re all about
  • Asking her a fascinating question

Those are just a few; you can get creative with it!

The point is to spark her curiosity; she is tired of guys using the same approach on her time and time again. But by standing out, that’s already valuable, since you’re now providing her with a novelty, which usually comes with a dopamine spike.

Giving Value

For a salesperson giving value involves providing the prospect something for free, like a sample of their product or a trial run. The result of giving will be that the prospect will feel like they owe the salesman something, like their time for example!

Now obviously when talking to a girl, you can’t give them a physical sample, but what you could give them is a sample of good emotions. These good emotions can involve; making her laugh by being funny, or caressing her ego by giving her compliments.


Just make sure the compliments you give her are genuine, somewhat unique and spread out. Or else you risk her seeing you as a lying, kiss ass beta male, and there is no coming back from that.

Anyways, these good emotions will accomplish her actually staying put listening to what you have to say.


Well, because she feels good, and everyone wants to feel good! Do this right, and now you will have her attention for the next step; building value, or as a salesman would say “begin to do the selling.”

How To Talk To A Girl Step 2: Building Value/Rapport

how to talk to a girl

By this step, the girl should be hooked and giving you her full attention. Now, we can proceed to the next phase of how to talk to a girl, which is building your value in her eyes.

So what is building value?

Well if we think about it in salesman terms, it is basically explaining the benefits to the prospect. The best way to explain those benefits is by showing the prospect how his or her life will be better off with what you are offering.

Notice I said “SHOW,” that’s because you have to communicate those benefits in a way that the prospect can see him or herself in the future enjoying those benefits.

Let’s say it’s a TV that a salesman is selling; he will describe the benefits of that TV by saying the following;

”this television has a crystal clear 4K image that will make your Netflix experience that much more enjoyable. The high definition sound on it will make it seem like you’re actually in the scene, in the middle of all the action! So don’t tell all your family members, because they are going to want to have “movie night” at your house all the time!”

By framing the benefits this way, the salesman paints a picture in the prospect’s mind that makes him or her desire that TV more than ever!

In the case of talking to a girl, you obviously can’t describe yourself and the benefits you bring like a TV. Because if you do, you will come off as arrogant and weird.

However, what you can do is show her all the benefits you bring indirectly during the conversation. This indirect showing of benefits can be done through storytelling and body language.

So what are the benefits a man can offer to a woman anyway? What does she want in a man?

Easy here they are:

Good Emotions

We already went over this one during the hook, but this is such a significant predictor of whether the girl will like you that I need to mention it again.

You can give the girl good emotions by either complimenting her, making her laugh, providing positive energy, and making her feel your masculine energy. By giving her good emotions, this lets her know that whenever she is around you, she is going to feel good; therefore she wouldn’t mind keeping you around.

What is masculine energy?

Masculine energy is piercing energy that every man should give off, one that attracts a woman. It consists of a passive aggressive state; which includes calmness, strength, and confidence.

Think about how you feel when a girl looks at you seductively and smiles, and then speaks to you in a soft, feminine voice. It feels good right! That is her giving you some of her feminine energy.

Now you need to do the same with your masculine energy.

One way to make a woman feel your masculine energy is by keeping the tension up.

Whenever you go up to a beautiful woman, you might feel this feeling of attraction emanating from your entire being.

It’s intense and overwhelming; so much that you try to tone it down by closing up your body and breaking eye contact with her. And that my friend is the wrong move.

You want her to feel some of that overwhelming energy you are feeling at that moment. And not only that, you have to own it!

Own the fact that you feel attraction for her, straighten your posture, take deep breaths, and look her straight in the eyes. Let the girl feel your intensity but in a calm way. Let her feel how comfortable you are with yourself, and your feelings.

This calmness mixed with strength and confidence will drive her crazy!

Obviously, know when to back down or else you will come off as a creepy guy. You can always tone it down with a joke or a smile to break the tension. But turn it back up after a while; this is how you give off masculine energy, use it, for it’s a powerful tool.

A Leader

Part of being an alpha male is being a leader and taking control. A woman wants to know that by your side she will be able to grow. And knowing that she can follow your lead to a better life makes her feel safe.

You can show her you’re a leader by talking about your goals and achievements. You can also do it through body language, by being confident and acting with intent.

Financial Stability

Most men today demonize women because of their desire for a man with money. Meanwhile, intelligent men don’t, they understand that she doesn’t necessarily want a rich man; what she wants is a man that can handle his own.

Women want a man who has the capability if necessary to take care of them; if she for some reason loses her job or becomes pregnant, then she expects him to be her support during that time of vulnerability.

You can show her you’re a competent man and someone she could possibly count on by sharing stories during that initial interaction about your achievements, goals, and your vision for the future.

Tip: if you already have nice clothes and a nice car then showing it off to her will do the talking for you, but be careful you don’t want to come off as arrogant because women hate that!

Family Oriented

Most women want to get married and have a family eventually; for that reason, she wants a man that shows signs that he would be a loving husband and father. You can show her that you are a loving family oriented person by talking about your family and mentioning how much you love them and enjoy spending time with them.

Social Proof

Being well connected is one of the best predictors of success. Hence the saying “it’s not about what you know but who you know.”

For that reason when a woman sees a man who has a strong social circle she automatically thinks “this guy is must be likable and he must have some success since he is well connected.”

You can display social proof to a woman through stories and my favorite social media!

That’s right. Through Instagram, you can earn yourself some social proof points by having pictures of you and different people enjoying life and having many followers. Then just add her on Instagram and let the pictures do the work.

*instagram pic

You should last in this stage of the interaction for at least 10 minutes. The point is to show the girl the masculine value you can bring to her life. This will solidify the connection between you and her. Raising your chances dramatically for getting to the next step,

the close!

How To Talk To A Girl Step 3: The Close

By this point, the salesman has added so much value to his product in the eyes of the prospect, that he can go ahead and ask for the close. But before he does, he might add a little urgency to the mix, to make sure that the prospect decides on the spot.

He’ll do this by telling the prospect that A: the sale offer on the product is limited or B: the product itself is running out. Not wanting to miss out, the prospect will go ahead and buy.

NOW, how can we close the girl?

Same way! By now the girl is aware of some of the value that you can bring to her. Therefore, she should want to experience more.

So it’s your job to ask for the close, but first, you create some scarcity!

Nothing is going to make her want you more than the feeling of loss; so you have to make her feel that she is losing you. Do this by finishing the convo and letting her know you have to go.

Then wait. Let a few seconds go by to see how she reacts and to allow the feeling of loss to set in. I assure you that she is going to wonder in her head “why doesn’t he ask for my number”? And she might even contemplate asking for your number instead, but she won’t, cause that is your job.

So once you have allowed a few seconds, close it! You can do so in so many ways, but my personal favorite is “hey do you have Instagram? I want to add you so we could keep in touch”.

The reason I ask for Instagram is not that I don’t have the confidence to ask for her number, but because it’s a strategy.

You see, by asking for her phone number you put more pressure on her because she’s now committing to texting you or talking to you on the phone, and she might not be ready for that. But by asking for her Instagram, she is not committing to anything, other than a new follower, which girls love.

Therefore she will be much more willing to give it to you. Also, if you have an excellent Instagram page, you can impress her further as she scrolls through your pictures. And the more impressed she is with you, the more she will become attracted to you!

How To Talk To A Girl Step 4: Repeat The Loop

To keep raising her attraction and getting her to the point of dating you, which should be your final goal. Then keep repeating step two and three, Building value and then asking for the close. With time, you will be so valuable in her eyes that she will be the one chasing after you!


So do you want to close girls like top salesmen close deals? I’m sure you do, and you can! Just follow the salesman approach which consists of:

  • Hook: Make her take the time to listen to what you have to say, by either igniting curiosity in her or providing her with value.
  • Build value/rapport: Show her the value you bring to the table as a man; little by little she will want more of you. And through talking to each other, she will gain trust.
  • After you’ve built immense value, ask for the close, but not before adding some scarcity. Scarcity will make her feel the possible loss of you, therefore, making her want you more. If you add some scarcity the right way, she will be incredibly eager to give you her contact information or much more 😉

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