Clingy, thirsty, annoying. Is this what you’re afraid she’ll think of you if you text her everyday?
I don’t blame you, it’s happened to several guys that I know. They get so excited about the sexy girl they just met that they over-text to their downfall.
Some folks will advise following your feelings: “go ahead son, text her, show her you love her.” Wrong! That’s emotional talk. Attraction is like a dance, if one side is too overpowering then the other side will lose its footing and flee. You don’t want to scare her off, right?
After a ton of personal failed text attempts with women, seeing friends fail, and reading many cases online—a pattern surfaced. I figured out the right amount of texting so that you build attraction, not disgust. So to answer your question, should you text a girl every day, the answer is… Drum roll please…
You should text a girl you like everyday as long as you both are getting something out of it. It must be fair. If she is not responsive and engaged then you should not be texting her everyday. And if you do, like a beggar, she will lose respect for you. But if she’s texting back fast, asking you questions, and even sending you pics and emojis, then that daily contact will make her like you more.
Should I text her everyday? Psychology says you should.
According to the mere-exposure effect, the more exposure we have to a stimulus, the more we grow fond of it. You might have experienced this with new co-workers.
In the beginning, you might find them odd-looking and unlikeable, but over time, they become easier on the eyes and chill.
The same happens with the girl you like. At first, she might find it odd to be texting you since your jokes and your texting style are dissimilar. However, over time, as she becomes accustomed to you, she begins to enjoy it. You become part of her routine. When she doesn’t hear from you she’ll think, “damn, I kinda miss talking to this guy.”
Remember, the more she’s exposed to you, the faster you will grow on her.
You should not text her everyday if…
It’s a one-sided exchange. By that I mean: she’s not responsive, engaged, invested, etc.
Basically, she’s not putting in the same amount of effort that you are.
You have to think of relationships as an exchange. As a man, you bring to the table characteristics and unique competencies that the woman craves, and vice-versa. This is the source of your value, and trust me, women want that potential value that men bring—that YOU BRING!
So from the start, you must convey to her that you’re proud of what you bring to the table. And that if she doesn’t act right, or play fair (50-50), you will walk away—denying her of your masculine value.
Because your value is desired by other women as well. YOU ARE IN DEMAND. YOU HAVE OPTIONS. Perceived value theory.
Now, I know you may not feel this way. This girl might be the finest one you’ve ever had the chance to talk to. Doesn’t matter. Still, set the frame. Give the perception that you’re confident and that you won’t let anyone walk all over you. This requires self-discipline and the courage to walk away if needed.
The power is now split between the two of you
But by doing this, she will respect you. She’ll believe you must be of high value since you don’t take her shit—and her interest in you will begin to grow. Before you know it, you’ll have a girl who is putting in a massive effort. You’ll begin to notice her texting you back fast, sending you selfies, and even asking you to hang out. If you’re at this point then it’s a fair exchange, and texting her every day is super necessary.
Even more crucial for attraction: how often should you text a girl in a day?
If an equal effort is going into communicating then it’s ok to text everyday—we clear on that right? Ok good. But now the question is: is it ok to text her all day?
The answer: a BIG FAT NO.
- High-value men simply don’t do that
- You don’t allow her time to miss you
- She may start taking your attention for granted
High-value men simply don’t do that
Imagine the manliest man that you know—could be a TV personality or a book character. This is the type of man that fights bad guys and saves the day. He’s usually a king or a leader of some sort. Do you picture that man texting his girl all day?
This man is busy. He is out in the world making shit happen. He doesn’t have time text a girl all day everyday! And this… is a man she can be proud of, a man she can tell her girlfriends about.
The reality is, a man that has the time to text back and forth with his girl all day is a simp—his world revolves around her. Sure she will enjoy the unlimited attention, but in the long run, she will begin to doubt his competence. So don’t. Be. That. Guy!
If you’re busy, don’t text her. Focus on what you’re doing. Text her only when you are truly free and can actually hold a conversation. If it’s after work, then wait till after work. Obviously, if she needs something, answer her. But don’t fall into the trap of sending meaningless messages back and forth for the sake of entertaining her.
Should you text her good morning everyday?
Sure, nothing wrong with that. But once you start work or figure out your day’s errands, send that “talk to you later” message.
You don’t allow her time to miss you if you text her all day everyday
Cliché alert! Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It’s true.
You must let her feel your absence, it will make the relationship move faster and grow deeper.
It’s like when you take a break from eating your favorite meal. You’ll begin to think about it, savor it, imagine it vividly. Soon, you’ll be craving it so badly that you plan a whole day to go enjoy this exquisite dish.
The same occurs when you allow her a break from you. She begins to wonder about you, what you’re doing, if you’re thinking about her, and so on… Soon, with time, she’ll start craving you like you crave your favorite food—dying to see and speak to you.
She may start taking your attention for granted
Men are sex-hungry (study), women are attention-hungry. Plain and simple.
When a girl is mad at her boyfriend, what is her way of punishing him? She wit-holds sex from him. This is because she knows that is what he craves the most. And what does the guy do? He stops talking to her because that is what she craves the most.
So when you give a girl unlimited amounts of attention, it’s like if a girl gave you unlimited amounts of sex. At first, you’ll love it, the abundance of it. But after some time you’ve had it so much that your desire for it declines. As a result, you’ll now spend less time with your girl, call her a bit less, and maybe even look at other women more.
So if you want this girl to focus on pleasing you, then give out your attention strategically. Give out just enough to keep her hooked. And at times, make her earn it.
Also, if she does something you don’t like then punish her by removing some attention. This will train her to stop doing things that you hate. But be subtle and don’t overdo it. If she catches on to what you’re doing, she can flip it on you.
So text her every day but don’t text her all day. I have found that the best time to text a girl is in the morning (briefly), and late at night when she’s completely free. And be careful with attention vampires: girls who look to rob a guy of all his time because they are insecure about themselves—this (article) will help you know if you’re dealing with one.
Should you text her everyday? Yes, as long as an equal effort is put forth by both sides into the interaction. However, you should not text her all day—else she’ll think you’re a simp that sits around waiting for her responses. Give the perception of being a busy important man.
Also, remember that you must give her time to miss you. It’ll make her want you more. And don’t devalue your attention by giving out so freely. Instead, be strategic with it. Give it out just enough to keep her hooked, and use it to force her to get rid of behaviors that you hate.